Day One

Not much has changed since my last post almost two years ago. I am still fed up with the same things. Its kinda funny how my emotions lead me full circle back to this blog. When I created it I thought it would help me vent about things that were bothering me. I had no one to talk to and I still don't. I've had to deal with alot of issues by myself. I figure whining about my concerns won't do anything, which has been made very evident to me by my last post. I've decided to do affirmations.

Affirmations are positive thoughts and sayings that you repeat or write every day. Its goal is help you attain the reality that you wish to live in. This concept appealed to me because I have a very unhealthy habit of wishing or imagining my life is different everyday. I wish that I could win the lottery to pay off loans and bills and buy a new car. I wish that I was shorter, had longer hair, beautiful skin, perfect teeth, confidence, cute shape and size, etc. I am seriously disappointed when I wake up in the morning and see that things are the same. I can't live like this anymore. I have only one life and one chance to make it work.

I've come up with a list of 10 affirmations that I will write and say each day. I will blog about these affirmations to see if doing this will change my life. Some say that affirmations are simply a way for psyching yourself out. Others say that its like a boomerang. You throw out positivity and it returns. What appealed to me most is the taoist belief that all thoughts have an objective reality and physical existence. This concept does not only rely on saying or writing what I want, but also doing everything in my power to make it happen. It involves overcoming myself and others' negativity to finally live my life to the fullest.

My ten affirmations are
1. I will have a clear understanding of the universe, the ALL, and the truth. I will grow spiritually
each day.
2. I will lose 100 lbs by December 31, 2008.
3. I will cleanse and purify my body of all diseases.
4. I will overcome my food addiction.
5. I will overcome all of my emotional ailments.
6. I will sing and perform on the guitar 5 songs that I have written in front of an audience.
7. I will have the most positive, adventurous and memorable experiences this year (2008).
8. I will land a terrific job before December 12, 2008
9. Money will always be coming my way.
10. I will be surrounded by positive, caring, and loving people at all times.

These affirmations are not exactly in the order that I originally wrote them. Losing weight was first, spirituality was second and purification was third. All I can say is that today my car broke down so I have to walk everywhere. Maybe that's the universe telling me that I should get off of my butt and exercise to lose this weight!! hahaha!

Taoism

Frustrations

I needed to vent so I created a blog. I really think that life is getting to me. I am so frustrated with everyone and everything around me. Between school, my family life, trying to lose that everlasting 20 lbs.,I'm a little annoyed. Okay, I'm a lot annoyed. I was apprehensive about creating a blog in the first place because I feel as if nothing significant is going on in my life right now...or ever!
I'm just going to freestyle some of the immediate problems that are on my mind.
I'm upset that he's not responding to my messages
upset that its taking so long to lose weight
upset that its taking so long to graduate
upset about being overweight
upset that i never have money
upset about all the boring bullshit I'm learning in school
upset that my mother's husband is bullshitting
upset that I have nothing going on in my life right now
upset that females hate
upset that its so hard to find genuine people
upset that i can't just settle for making friends with the people i know right now
upset that I'm not as motivated as I should be
upset about all of the stupid rules of dating
upset about the way I blew up at someone this week

I know that some of my problems are partially my fault, but I don't know how to go about changing my attitude or behavior.
Sometimes I hate to go on and on about my problems because life could be a lot worse, but the fact that things indeed could be alot worse also upsets me.
I've been hostile to people lately because I'm tired of people taking advantage of me. I'm tired of people talking to me however they want to. I'm tired of the rudeness and the bullshit. I guess I've just been letting people get to me and I'm tired to feeling lonely. I guess if so many things about people annoy me, I would be lonely.